BAMBOOZLED!

Yes! It is in utter frustration that I write this! I have begun to dread Delhi's roads.. because of the way people drive mainly.. and also because of the fact that there are so many of all sorts on Delhi's roads that there is absolute anarchy at all times. And then there are people who prefer to take short naps at red lights and refuse to budge even when its been 30 or so seconds since the light turned green or are too engrossed in some or the other activity that delays the traffic behind them. The cars and their master at the front at a traffic light have the moral responsibility of staying awake and aware that the light does turn green in one's lifetime and it is the destiny of the light to turn green! If these people are so sleep deprived, why do they have to ruin the lives of other people! Why can't they utilize their beds at home which are meant for that very purpose! But no sir, like many other things in Delhi, they refuse to allow extraneous variables decide their habits and reaffirm their belief in the humanistic perspective! Bloody! On top of that, one has to honk and honk to wake these people up. Some of them don't even realise that they should be driving in the slower lane and let the faster vehicles pass! Man!

And then there are these Metro accidents.. I mean this city is under severe pressure! With so much building etc going on around the city, it would seem as if the entire city is being renovated and rebuilt in one go... Almost as if the entire facade of the city is being overhauled. But then Delhi has a history, a rich history, of recreating itself and city upon city has been built here, so I don't think this frenzied activity would really change the fundamental character and the soul of this city. Yes, CP might be absolutely overflowing with human beings of all shapes and sizes and Noida and Gurgaon may be taking their toll on this city, but this city shall survive, like it has in the past...

Well... (I smile to myself.. because there's no one else in the room as I write... Not that I wanted someone!)
Well.. I've thought long and hard about this. 'This' is what this is. If I were to describe what I've gone through in the past 9 months or so in the most economical manner, I'd say, it's been an emotional, physical and metaphysical roller-coaster. I don't even know where to start. It's as if someone has been tweaking the frequencies of the world around me so haphazardly and gruffly, that I would not last the description of events and the thoughts that I think mistook my conscious and unconscious for an idle subway. They stamped, scraped, dug their heals in and went hopping across. Anyhow, let me start somewhere ( Yeah! To think I haven't even started and this when its been hammered into me to keep the intros short! I never learn!)

So, it all began in early July last year (2008! for those who have lost track of the years). I joined a company! Yes, against all my desires and wishes and my emphatic affirmations that I was above this whole 'job business'. Ha! There you have it... The first 30-40 days were a dream. In fact the entire length of time that I stayed there was a dream. It was all because of these 4 people who turned my bland world around, so much so, I had begun to look forward to the mornings and banging my head repeatedly into the Maruti's roof as Attri and Vivek took turns playing the devil on the road. They managed to scare quite a few with their, I daresay, exceptional driving skills... (is the Ferrari pit listening in?) Those training days in Faridabad and Noida were days of pure bliss and revelry like one cannot imagine in one's wildest dreams. We even started enjoying the sweat and the relentless humidity. Our gang of 5 made every moment so special that even now on the Metro I find myself smiling, quite involuntarily, going over those memories again. This is what happens... What to do? And I cannot but remember those times when we nearly drove a knife into all office decorum and laughed the place down, be it the cafeteria or the cubicles, we spared nothing and no one. And then there was Neha. Well, she should've been mentioned first but I am not that great a writer after all. I follow my own pattern. So, there was Neha and she still is 'Neha!'. She could easily have been sent down from Kolkatta especially for this gang to come together. She was another piece in the jigsaw that found its place quite effortlessly. She just came and conquered. Well, she misunderstood me at first (but then that happens with just about everyone! hehe!) but when she did decipher my ways, she was kind enough to stay! :) The strains of 'wahi toh!' I am sure can still be heard in that office. Then there was Nipun, the eternally happy and 'nihayati sharif' laddie. All he had to do was wink and we'd burst out laughing. Oh! What a time we had. That Maruti 800 was spun around and thrown about like a dirt bike and it didn't mind one bit (though Mr. Vivek did something funny to it once which made it spurt smoke, but all was fine later). The point is.. it seemed as if our collective spirit held the car together, not that it was falling apart. But it just somehow completed the story. Those 3 months were a lot of fun! And I can assure you I haven't even begun. :)

Those 3 months were all I had with me when I started down this path that I currently am on. I discover something new each day. Yes, it gets difficult sometimes. Sometimes I feel I could've done without it, without the trouble of this trial by fire, without the countless questions that spring forth but are reined in by some consolation that erupts somewhere in the eternities of this heart. Its fun too.. like making all sorts of faces to make an infant smile on the Metro! At times he/she isn't too amused and kind of retorts by not giving in to my theatrics. But when the smile does burst forth, I am the happiest man in the bloody Metro. It just so happens that I happen to revel in that child's smile and step out at my station wearing a smile myself.

So life's been like 'this'. Its been bitter-sweet and sometimes sour. But then I am not complaining. I had wanted to write about a lot of other things, but I don't think I can right now. I'll save it for later. But I will write because I want to and I need to.

I felt rather sorry on seeing people lighting candles and shouting 'Bharat Maata ki Jai' at the Gateway of India today, because it is just too little and perhaps too late as well. The volcanoes that are erupting now, should've done so long ago. We've lit candles dozens of times before. After every such terror strike happens in the country, candles are lit and the stumps of molten wax are just swept away the next morning... It's a shame if we are still lighting candles and grieving for what can never be restored... we're again making the same mistake.

If the fire within is still not lit and if we persist with just lighting candles, we are far far away from what really should be done..

For the last few days, there have been questions and more questions asked. Bouts of rage have overwhelmed all sanity and the appalling accusations and counter-accusations has left this country asking even more questions. This certainly is not introspection any longer, but an upheaval that might change the face of this nation and the way we live. The gruesome images of Mumbai will haunt us forever... entire lifetimes have been scarred. It's almost as if that tryst with destiny that India walked through 61 years ago has only now come to pass. The 'massacre of Mumbai' is indeed independent India's Jallianwallah Bagh, for those puddles of blood and those corporal remains shown repeatedly in that ghastly minute by minute commentary, will never ever erode from our hearts. Well, I didnt want to write this to relive those horrific images which I am sure most of us saw LIVE on television through the 3 days of horror. The reason for this is something very different.

Quite contrary to what has transpired on television after the incident, with one having difficulty in distinguishing between politicians and the terrorists, I think we only have ourselves to blame for what happened. The fingers shouldn't be pointing towards those barbarians. I think, we are responsible for the massacre of those 200 people and for the fire that rages on. Firstly, we've let down our guard more than once and it was only natural that this great nation of ours would be invaded. It would not be completely wrong to compare what has happened to the invasions of medieval India, when anyone and everyone could invade India at will and slaughter people. We have not made our governments and our politicians accountable enough, even when we've been shouting hoarse for the past 3 days about how the whole political class should be exiled. I dont think we can even blame the terrorists now, because we've had ample evidence in the past that they will do what they have to and what they think is right. So, at the end of the day they were only doing their job and I must say they were successful. Where does all this leave us? What have we been doing all this while? Have we done enough that we are self-righteously pointing fingers? I daresay, we haven't.

Bombs ripped through the heart of Delhi a couple of months back, killing absolutely innocent people. Who were these people? Well, they were merely strolling by seemingly harmless dustbins and look what happened... We ranted and created a furore about how our favorite punching bag, the intelligence dept. had displayed a supreme lack of intelligence yet again and lives had again been lost. And then after a few days life was back to normal even before the dust had settled and the wounds had started to heal. Gurgaon was abuzz with MNCs creating billionaires and so were the other IT hubs of this great nation. It was business as usual at the govt. departments too. I began calling Delhi - the city of upturned dustbins... Didn't serve any purpose though, only made it messier. And then there was another blast... well, it didn't really bring the Taj down or something. All it did was, the head of a poor young boy was blown off into the air and the blood stains painted the paan-juice covered walls afresh. The grieving relatives of the boy were suitably consoled by the media channels and by some meager compensation... and that was that. The frenzy was dead before one could blink. The grind began again, so did the working and partying... Whoever cared about a silly poor boy whose head was blown off in a freak incident! Delhi slipped back into a slumber... I, for one, got very jittery everytime I passed by a dustbin, almost half expecting it to explode in my face...

And then came Mumbai... what the tv channels had initially started reporting as a gang war, had turned into what was proudly proclaimed as India's worst terror attack ever - the breaking news broke into a fire that spread fiercely into living rooms across India and what followed is not quite history. The battle it seems has only just begun. CST, TAJ, OBEROI-TRIDENT, NARIMAN HOUSE... suddenly, were household names. We watched as the fire raged. I salute those who died to reclaim the besieged properties and my heart goes out to their families. We probably cannot imagine what the commandos must have endured in those labyrinthine zones of war and I salute them for their courage. But you know, what the real issue is here, it is that of our memory lapses and our biases that have ruined this country. Why couldn't the news channels pay homage to each and every one of the fallen mumbai police officers... there were some 15-20 who died. and why did we fail to open our eyes after our own city was attacked and that too some of the most important landmarks... why is it that only now the elite has come out in protest against the entire system, when some of their own have fallen prey?! These are glaring questions which say a lot about our complete apathy and the hypocrisy of the rich and famous in particular. There's a reason for it too.. The guys driving around in Bentleys have never known the fear of walking past dustbins on footpaths... It is this that we need to address and look at very gravely. It is this dubiousness and our failure to unite that has made this country vulnerable. We have failed in raising our voices time and again. We have failed in showing compassion to those who need it. We have squandered every opportunity of consolidating the fabric of our society. The rich have only got richer and the poor are being left to scrounge around in gutters. Is this called humanity? Delhi is choc-a-bloc with the swankiest of cars but has anyone of the occupants of those cars ever felt the fear of the common man, the not-so -privileged? We are busy partying even as innocent people are targeted in J&K and the North-east, even as bombs explode in our very neighborhoods. Is this what its all come down to? Have we surrendered ourselves to decadence to this extent?

Let the dust not settle this time and let us not blame others for crimes we have committed. I strongly feel that each and every Indian should feel responsible for the those who died at the CST waiting for trains to carry them home, for those who never knew that it would be their last meal together, for those who died fighting for faith, those for whom there was just one religion - the religion of 'India'. Its not about religion, caste, or other such cliches anymore, which have become as irrelevant as Raj Thackeray. It is about this great nation called INDIA.

Yes like a major chunk of the world, I too have decided to pay Obama a little tribute of my own. Even as the frenzy refuses to die down and newspapers continue to churn out reams and reams of encomiums, I just wanted to share some of the things that I was thinking of today.. Barack Obama's stupendous victory reminded me of this movie I saw some time in the final semester, called 'The Great Debaters' starring Denzel Washington and Forest Whitaker amongst others. For those of you who've heard about it or probably have even seen it, you'd understand what I'm talking about here. A couple of scenes were so intensely horrific that I couldn't recall seeing another movie that had such powerful scenes embellishing and helping the cause of its brilliant subject. Whether the movie was a success or if it sank without trace is not really a concern here. It is just sheer joy to watch movies that stir you and that act as reference points for you in some way or the other. This is one such movie - and the events of the past couple of days, what with the euphoria surrounding the rousing victory and the speech that followed, have caused me to hark back to my experience of watching it and feasting my eyes on some marvelous work. And this guy, Obama, orates in a way that is both reassuring and definitive. His tenor radiates an almost addictive confidence - something that makes him truly charismatic. The victory speech at Chicago was another masterpiece from the man who struck down odds pitted against him with grit. He might have had several factors turn in his favor, eventually causing McCain's campaign to dissolve in a blur, but Obama refused to back down once he'd won the nomination. For instance, the economic crisis is said to have provided his campaign with a last minute impetus that took him across, but then it is to his credit that he remained dignified and steadfast through the course of the campaign. He got America to come out and vote for him in a way never recorded before, in a fashion well and truly unprecendented. He inspired people and the youth and old alike rallied around him for they saw in him one thing that the United States of America needed most - HOPE. May be I'm guilty of going a bit over the top with this, but then the events of the past few days have been staggering...

The picture of Jesse Jackson with tears rolling down his cheeks, said it all for me...

Barack Obama will go down in history not just as the first Black President of USA and someone who triumphed in a quest like no other, but as someone who resolved and retreated not even one step along a path ridden with questions and doubts...

This was just one of the many things that abound in the now fecund territory that's located somewhere in between my troposphere and stratosphere! I'll be writing about the rest of them when I have the right words... It's a pity that I don't have the words when I need them most - a perennial problem that I continue to battle against. But then change is the only constant, so this might just be a part of the larger scheme of things...

It's been over a month since I wrote last. SAD.

But then its not my fault that everything inside just plays truant.. almost as if I'm a slave to this innate force within that pulls its shutters down everytime my hand reaches for the keyboard..  Its really hard to explain what is going on inside... The thing is, sometimes its better to just stay put and keep mum... and sometimes there's just so much inside that you don't know what to let out or it just bluntly refuses to trickle out..

It's been a month already since I shifted tracks and started walking down a path that people either dread for its apparent impossiblity or don't waste a nanosecond in telling you how hard you'd have to work to get to the other side.. comments and opinions have never been shorn of a subtle sarcasm and scepticism lacing its fringes... or was it something else? Pity, perhaps?

I've been privileged to have met the people I have in the last 3/4 months; things have pretty much progressed smoothly without any major hiccups and I hope it stays this way. 

I got a little emotional while watching Anil Kumble wave one final goodbye to the crowds at the Kotla in Delhi. How can one forget the hardships the man has endured over a period of 18 years, the constant criticism that he was marked out for time and again? How can one forget his 10-wicket haul at this very ground in Delhi... when all of us just stared in disbelief as the man ran through an entire batting lineup without batting an eyelid, with effortless ease? A player who epitomized the spirit of the game... a legend who conquered hearts and wickets with the charm of a gentleman... It was sad that he had to go away... but then...... he had to.